Year One as a Published Author

Today marks one full year as a self-published author and the release of As Above, So Below.

There’s quite a few emotions that I find myself experiencing. Things like pride and elation for sure. But there’s also nervousness (as today As Within, So Without releases), a fair bit of impostor syndrome, and of course, reflection.

All of this has been quite the journey.

I never thought my work would reach as many as it has. While I’m a far cry from placing anywhere on the NYT Bestsellers list (which is a-okay with me!), I’ve certainly (somehow) managed to find readers who have resonated with Ves’ story.

That’s a wild feeling—to think something I created, I cooked up with my strange noggin, speaks to others. When I first began to draft As Above, So Below and build The Four Realms, I truly did not anticipate letting anyone else read it. Who lets anyone read the first creative thing they’ve written in nearly 25 years? (24 to be exact.)

No one does.

Well, no one with common sense does, I suppose.

It’s one of the reasons why I chose to self-publish. I wasn’t put myself through the draining and crushing rigor of querying (which can take years), becoming agented (again can take years), editing the novel for commercial masses (at least one year), and going to market with the work (only for it to die on submission). If you listen to any trad published author speak on the matter, it’s rare that first works are picked up. Oft times, it’s shelved and then returned to once they’ve proven themselves to the publishing world.

I didn’t want Ves’ story to be shelved.

I’d waited long enough to get words on the page. I wasn’t going to wait another half a decade to have it in hand.

And besides that, As Above, So Below wasn’t meant really for anyone other than me.

I wanted a copy of it on my bookshelf for me. It wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t sell a single copy to anyone else. I don’t expect to sustain a living with my writing (and the idea of becoming that popular and known makes me nauseous). I’m lucky in the fact that I get to document real love stories (behind a camera) as my career.

Regardless, it was a cathartic process to write again. And I poured so much of me into Ves’ story—not so much into Ves, per se. (Really the only things we have in common are shitty parents and a dislike for large crowds.) But into every character, every location, and every scene. (This is why I don’t believe it’s possible to separate the art from the artist.)

And the very first draft of Ves’ story… was absolute trash.

I only managed to get a few chapters in before deciding third person, past tense put too much space between the reader and the characer for the emotional impact I was seeking. I really wanted to tell a story from within a character. Experience a world as she experienced it.

Which presented significant hurdle #1: learning to write in first person, present tense.

Back in the dark ages of the late 1900s when I used to write fanfiction, I always wrote in third person, past tense. And learning to write in first person, present tense… was a brain altering period (to say the least).

It took some serious adjustment to my typical storytelling approach to really settle into writing the pov. What I quickly discovered though, was my writing style fit much better in first person. While I wouldn’t call my prose purple, my penchant for “embellishments” (read: alliteration) took on a more natural flow as it relayed Ves’ interpretation of the world around her.

Writing As Within, So Without presented significant hurdle #2: learning to write a true sequel.

In all the fanfiction I use to write as an awkward pre-teen/teen, none of the stories ever really ended. They simply continued, filling spiral notebook after spiral notebook. College lined pages (both front and back) grew plagued with awful handwriting (usually in purple or pink ink—the Pentel RSVP pens were my favorite).

I think at one point, I had one (incomplete) story stretch across eleven or twelve notebooks.

So learning how to reintroduce characters after a lapse of time (there are a few months between AA, SB and AW, SW), while also introducing new characters, new locations, new problems and concerns, while also carrying through pertinent threads into the story became this multi-faceted task requiring finesse and balance.

Neither of which I was sure I had.

I knew going into the idea of a trilogy, I would need book one to serve as a standalone. While I have the major points of each book plotted out, I wasn’t going to disillusion myself by thinking I’d finish an entire trilogy after years of not writing. (I’m happy to report not only will I finish The Fated Celestials Trilogy, but I’ve already numerous other works in the same universe planned.)

For the longest time, I hated my drafts of AW, SW.

It wasn’t flowing right. And coupled with the resounding positive response I was getting from AA, SB, there was a new pressure on my shoulders. I didn’t want to fall victim to the “sophomore slump.”

I was a couple months late getting it into the hands of beta readers because of this. And the only reason it did then was because I said “fuck it” and sent it to them despite hating it. Round one betas received a work that was roughly 113k words—a shell of what it now is (146k words). While they read, I continued to edit, add, and move pieces around. By the time it hit round two betas, it was 127k words and closer to what I wanted.

It wasn’t until I gave it to my editor, Lucy, did I feel like I had something that could rival AA, SB. By that point, the manuscript sat at about 143k words. Significantly longer than AA, SB (127k words).

And now, as I sit here seeing the first of the ARC (and unexpected non-ARC) reviews come in on release day, do I feel like maybe I did accomplish that.

So before this blog entry grows too obnoxiously long (which thank you if you’ve taken the time to read my ramblings), I just want to say: I’ve waited far too long to share the stories I’ve let brew in my head. I’m not going to wait anymore.

Here’s to year one.

And all the years to come.